SELF ISOLATION | 3 Months in Lock-down – How I’m Feeling Now

Hello my lovelies, I hope you are all doing well. It has been a little while since we last spoke and needless to say a lot has been going on around the world even whilst we’re living through a pandemic. Which just goes to prove that time doesn’t stop rolling even when we feel like the world has stopped in our personal lives. Of course one of the biggest events being the murder of George Floyd which sparked the push for the movement and message Black Lives Matter. I have a post coming to you very soon regarding information and history of black lives, and the problem of white supremacy etc. It is coming but it is taking a lot of formatting and linking together and re-reading through etc. But it is definitely going to be worth the wait for the amount of content in it. So bare with me as my take on things and the change and push for black voices and lives via this platform of my life is coming and will continue into the future after this because this isn’t a trend, this is people’s lives were talking about.

But before all of that I thought I would bring you more of a filler post and discuss with you all today my thoughts and feelings of lock-down as I have recently gone back to work. I work in retail so my lock-down life came to an end on the 15th of June after three months at home. First things first, for me these three months went by so quickly. Yes it was hard not seeing family, friends, and Jake and his family but it only feels like five minutes ago I went into lock-down at the end of March and now all of a sudden I’m back at work and it feels like I was never not at work. Does anyone else ever have that feeling when you’ve been away from something you’re so used to for a long time, you return to whatever it was and it’s like you were never gone? As that’s how I feel returning to work. I have already been back at work for two weeks and even that time has gone insanely quickly.

The first thing is how grateful I am for my home. To have a roof over my head, a safe place, a place of comfort and relaxation, a place to eat and sleep etc. Having a home seems like such an every day element of people’s lives, especially when I’ve always had somewhere to call home, but lock-down made me realise that there are people out there who don’t have a place they call home. Which reminds me how lucky I am for a part of me to exist in this space, my home. Whenever I have a day off I usually never spend much time in the house just because it seems like if I don’t do certain things on my days off, such as going out to see friends or going out to sort bits out I don’t have enough time to do in the week then they will never get done or get left for too long etc. But actually these three months of spending all my time at home has given me a new appreciation for staying at home on at least one day off. I don’t need to go out every single day as there is so many things I can do at home instead of going out: cleaning my room, sorting my wardrobe out, relaxing in the garden, reading, baking, go for a walk, listen to podcasts, blogging, at home iced lattes, work on new crafts, spend time with my cats, re-organise things, video chat with friends, watch Netflix shows etc. I don’t have to go out and spend money all the time to feel like I’m making my day off worth it. I have such a good state of mind now for staying at home and enjoying my home more now than I did before. I’m definitely going to be making more of an effort to stay at home at least on one day off where I can and spend my day doing what I feel like.

It is so important to enjoy your own company and be your own best friend. I already do enjoy spending time by myself. I enjoy a balance of being out and socialising and having a day or two to myself to do whatever I feel I need to remain balanced overall. But spending so much time on our own in this situation I think can highlight how you really are and how you’re really feeling, where you’re really at in your life. As I know there are some people who struggle when they’re not around other people because of their own mental health. But it is so important to sit with yourself in your mind and body to know how you really are and how you’re really feeling. Of course we’ve all had moments and wobbles over these last few months which is only natural given the situation we’ve been put in. But only us as ourselves know our own mind and our own body so if something doesn’t feel right then don’t ignore that.

But also remember, never feel guilty. You’re allowed to feel however you feel, every response we have is triggered by something. An action, a conversation, a thought, a process etc. So whatever it is you’re going through right now, in this pandemic, life in general, it’s okay. It might feel a lot right now, and it might feel heavy, but you will get through this. Just keep taking it day by day and find comfort in the chaos of life right now.

But I have enjoyed this time with myself to reset myself almost. I’ve been working for so long now that I really lost myself and my whole time just became about working, seeing my boyfriend, and then seeing friends. Which is fine, there is nothing wrong with that but I noticed it was literally all I did. Even when I had a day off where I wasn’t meeting anyone, I’d always go out to town for the day and go shopping, treat myself you guys know. But like I said in the above paragraph I’ve found a new appreciation for staying home at least one day a week and doing bits at home and hobbies etc. So having 3 months off has given me a sense of redirection almost with a lot of things in my life including: job, careers, people, hobbies, thoughts, and ambitions for my future. For example, over lock-down helped me get into reading more and even now, the third week back into working I still read a little bit every single day and it’s another great way for me to get away from my phone and checking the time. I think rediscovering things you love and/ or discovering new things you love is a special moment of time you can share with yourself. I know that I’ve thoroughly enjoyed rediscovering me, it really feels like I’ve changed for my own mental health and well-being and I feel so much happier and settled and balanced with myself. I’d love to know in the comments if any of you feel the same.

Lock-down has pushed a lot of people to really think about their jobs and their careers, myself included in that category. As a young woman in her twenties I am here to tell you that after you leave uni or whatever education you’re in, figuring out your life is hard. It is so hard however I try to not stress about it because everything works out how it is meant to eventually. I don’t know about you guys but for the longest time I felt guilty if I was to stray away from my degree subject area. Despite the fact I wasn’t even doing anything to actually get onto the career ladder in my degree subject. So by having that mindset I put myself in a box for no good reason other than to put myself down and I was literally setting myself up for disappointment and failure. The only person judging me was myself at this point, so I am tired of not letting myself explore what I want to based on the “fear” of it’s not what I do or it’s not what I’m meant to do. When in reality we are all “meant to do” whatever we want to do.

I always said my current job is just a filler and I still believe it is but I am very settled in my current retail job and I know I don’t want to leave this job just to get another retail job. When I eventually move on I want it to be to a job that is a more “career” based job with my subject area or my different interests. I mentioned it to you guys in a previous post but I think the first one I am going to do is become a nail technician. I’ve always been good at painting nails and shaping natural nails, also I’ve been good at creating nail designs all my life and over lock-down I really rediscovered that hobby that could definitely develop further for me as a new path to go down. I am excited to find a course and hopefully get a license to do some freelance work as well as working in a salon within the next year or two. I’m speaking it into existence which means it will happen (manifest your desires lovelies!) even though corona is a bit up in the air with everything right now. But I am excited to see what the rest of 2020 does bring.

Friendship is always a constant in our lives despite the circumstances. There has been no doubt that this situation were in has been the hardest on relationships and friendships because were all more than likely not used to not seeing our nearest and dearest for a couple of months maximum. Luckily in these last couple of weeks I’ve been able to see Jake but I haven’t seen my uni girls since this time last year, we were meant to meet in March but of course that didn’t happen, I haven’t seen Heather and Chloe since February, and I haven’t really seen any of my family properly since the New Year probably. So of course this pandemic has affected relationships in the physical sense but what it has done has brought new ways to spend time together as friends such as online quizzes and movie nights, FaceTime coffee dates etc. It highlights that if you really care about someone/ people then you will make the effort to keep up that consistent relationship with them and what you put in you will get back if that energy is reciprocated. So not much actually really changed in terms of friendships other than the fact I haven’t been able to see my friends for months and I am so grateful we’ve been able to video call every week or every few weeks. Video calling will never replace spending actual time around their energy however at least it’s a close second to giving you the same endorphins you get from actually being around somebody. I’m just so excited to actually be reunited and to hug them and to just finally be within their space again. Heather, Chloe, and I are hoping we will be able to meet some time this month but ideally we need a day where the weather isn’t too awful if we’re going to have to mainly be outside in open spaces etc. But that day will be here soon, I can feel it and I’m honestly so grateful we’re all okay and safe and well. As for the uni girls I have no idea when we’ll be able to meet again as we’ve all got to travel quite far to see one another so I have no idea when that will be but hopefully sooner rather than later. The same goes for spending time with all of my other family as well as we’ve got a lot to celebrate as a family: mine and Jake’s engagement, my recent birthday, anniversaries, my cousin literally had a baby just yesterday! A lot has happened this year that is yet to be celebrated because of the pandemic. So time with family and friends is going to be very much appreciated when it eventually happens and I can’t wait for that.

Finally, you guys are going to be shocked by this as much as I am, you all know that I am the treat yourself queen. But I have managed to save so much money in lock-down! I am honestly shocked because I felt like I was constantly ordering things online and I still had birthday’s and other events to buy for, for other people. So I am shocked by this statement as much as you but some how it happened. On my payday the month before I got furlough paid I got £700 which was fine. I’d taken quite a bit of time off so I was shocked I’d even got that. So I paid my dad my rent and then I did some online shopping (obvs, who didn’t?) and then I paid for a few birthday presents for people and then some how at the end of the month I still had £400 left. So really I only spent £200 because £100 of that went to my dad. I am still sat here now not knowing how that is possible because I did so much online shopping and yet somehow only spent £200?! I’m convinced I passed through a parallel universe or something, I don’t know. So I moved the rest of that money to my savings when my furlough pay came in, which was the best pay day I have had for the longest time. It is bad though that my furlough pay is better than the pay I get from when I actually go to work. If that has been the same for you guys no wonder none of us really wanted to go back, haha!

These 3 months have proved to me that I just spend money for the sake of it and really I always knew that but I didn’t realise it to the extent that it is on. I get the train into my local town and I have time to myself before and after work which means I either go for a coffee and a snack or I go to a couple of shops and have a browse around. But it is madness how much money that takes from me every day when I’m in work. So lock-down has been fantastic for me to actually get saving money properly. As I used to save bits and then take some out when I needed it or I saved a couple of hundred for when Jake and I went on holiday for example and then that money was just gone. So in my job it is hard to save when sometimes the hours are great and other times they’re barely scraping the barrel. But I know I am lucky to have a job, especially right now so I’m not going to complain too much. But I have started finding joy in saving money and actually not touching it and not spending it. I’ve never been the best at saving money, I’ve always been a spender, hence the treat yourself life motto. But as of lately I think I’m finding a lovely balance of spending a bit and saving more than a bit. So that’s really good and it makes me happy to know that the money is there for something in my future or for a proper treat day. So yeah I’m really excited to keep saving. Does anyone else have a switch flip in their brain that goes from wanting to spend money all the time to I’d rather save money now.

Well my angels those are my thoughts and feelings three months on. As I’m typing this right now I’ve almost been back at work a month already, madness how fast that has gone. Feels like I’ve been there for only five minutes. Let me know in the comments if you’re back at work, still on furlough, or if you’re at school/ college/ university or if you’re finishing any of those etc. Just let me know I’d love to have a chat with you all down below! Let’s start a conversation in the comments, tell me one thing you’re grateful for because of lock-down.

I hope you’re all having a wonderful day, speak to you soon!