SELF ISOLATION | Lockdown: Season 3, Episode 157

Hello my lovelies, who’d have thought Miss Rona would be renewed for season 3! To be honest I thought season 1 was an overkill. But joking aside, I wanted to do a post today to update you all through this mess we’re constantly fighting. A lot has been going on in my life through the last few months of 2020 and I’ve had a lot of things on my mind lately that I just wanted to discuss and share with someone else. What better person than you.

Lockdown, Season 3 has been the hardest yet in my opinion. I know a lot of people on my IG have felt the same. You guys know I’m a very positive person and I make the best out every situation I am handed in life but this time round I’ve found it so hard to motivate myself, I’ve been getting up late every day, even though I’m barely doing anything the days just seem to fly, and I’ve been going through a personal issue with my health for a while that I hadn’t really told anyone about until last week. So I’ve felt very alone and literally isolated because of feeling restricted of not knowing how to tell people my problems. I’m really not the best at admitting when there is something wrong with me to other people. Also, because this problem has just been a me thing, only like 3 other people knew before recently; it was mine for so long (4-5 months) that I kind of got lost in my head about letting anyone else in to know about it. I’d gotten so used to it being a thing even though I knew it wasn’t “normal” which honestly was bad. But the fact I have finally found the courage to speak up and I’m taking charge and sorting out my issue is a big step for me. So I’m incredibly proud of myself for that. I feel a huge weight off my shoulders now and I know I’m gonna be okay. Whatever it is and whatever the outcome, I know I’m gonna be okay. As I’m typing this, I’ve actually had a blood test today for the issue. I’ve also got to go for an ultrasound in the coming weeks and once both the results come back for those I’ll know what is going on and what the next step is to take. I will let you guys know more when I know myself. As you know I’m very open and honest with you but at the moment I don’t want to say what the doctor’s think it is just in-case it isn’t that after they’ve done the tests. So I will let you in on what’s going on soon. Hopefully it might help some of you guys if you’ve been going through anything similar to me.

In general I’m okay, I’m not in any pain or anything and I’m still able to get up every day and live life how I always do which I’m grateful for. As I said above, this lockdown has been more of an unmotivating one. January isn’t a month that many people enjoy anyway but I think one reason this one has been really tough is because that lull between Christmas and New Year just continued into this month for me. I don’t know if any of you felt the same? Literally 2 weeks after Christmas I just did nothing. Literally nothing. Which clearly my body needed as I was tired from working so many hours through December compared to the months prior with my hours at work being horrific. So I clearly needed the rest but due to that through most of this lockdown so far I haven’t felt the need to do much. So I’m on a scale of 60-40 I think – 60% good and happy in general and then 40% low and deflated some days. So I think lately I’ve vibrated at a much lower frequency than I’m used to. But you know what that’s okay. We’re all different and whatever works right now for each of us to keep us going through we should keep doing that. What isn’t helping for me is not knowing when I’ll see Jake or my girls again. I know we had that through the first lockdown, but so many of us expected us to be locked down because of how the rest of the world was being affected. But due to this one being so sudden: went from 2 weeks, to end of January, to middle of Feb, to March, and I’ve even seen some people saying it might not be until May. Which of course it’s good because if the variant in this wave really is worse than the first time round then clearly we need this. But to me it’s a mockery that we are worse off nearly one whole year later than we were in Lockdown, Season 1! 100,000 deaths is utterly ridiculous when there’s countries with more population than we have.

Now of course there are some people who are extremely selfish, general population as well as celebrities and politicians who don’t wear masks, who don’t social distance, who go to events or parties that are non-essential, who travel to Dubai for no reason whatsoever. Which honestly is an insult to all of the people who have died, who have lost friends and family, who have had events ruined or disrupted by Covid, who’s lives have changed forever due to this virus, to the people with serious health conditions who can’t even leave the house to go to Tesco, to the NHS and key workers who are working tirelessly to keep this country a float. I hate when people think they’re so entitled to think the same rules don’t apply to them. People’s need to be selfish and inconsiderate of other people infuriate me. We are all in the same boat and this isn’t going to go away until we all work together. To some degree I understand the confusion of not knowing what you are and aren’t allowed to do with the government in the UK not even understanding their own rules that they set out. As well as them being very illusive when making announcements to the general public as a way to make you feel like it’s your fault when you’ve done something that isn’t allowed in their rule book, even though they’re the ones who were not crystal clear in the first place. I get all of that but we should all know better. Our government can’t run the country and they’re selfish but us as the people we know what is right and what is wrong. If something feels wrong to you, simply don’t do it. That applies to Covid times and after them. We can do better together, we can be better together; I don’t wanna be in and out of lockdowns forever so we’ve got to give a little more if we wanna see the end of this. The vaccines are a great win in this battle, amazing that they’ve found something they think will work, but that doesn’t mean it’s over. Just because there are two vaccines at a 90%+ effective rate doesn’t mean normal life can resume. Please remember that over the course of this year. This is a marathon, not a sprint. We’ll get through it, we’ll see our family again, we’ll see our friends again, we’ll make more memories again. But right now be respectful to those we’ve lost, to the ones who are doing everything they can to not make that 100,000 go up by anymore, to the key workers who have been feeling the affects since this time last year. Stay safe by staying home, stay safe by wearing your face masks when out, stay safe by social distancing as much as possible. This wont be forever, keep positive, and keep going. We got this!

Over the last week and a bit I’ve started to get my mojo back a little by putting on makeup and putting on a nice outfit. I can’t tell you the good it has been doing for my selfasteem and confidence to actually get ready for the day. Even if I only do that, I feel like I’ve achieved something for the day and it makes me feel more in control of my day.

I have been doing what I feel like doing on certain days. For example my love for clay crafts has taken right off. I’ve been making a lot of trinket dishes lately which I’ve found so fun. Just experimenting with different moulds and shapes and getting the paints out. I’m just finding it brings me so much joy to be creative again. Also I’ve been painting a lot of nail designs as well recently. For Christmas Chloe got me an experience to do a nail course online as I’ve been thinking of following that path to get qualified to either own my own little business or work in a salon for a while. So I’ve been getting my Valentine’s designs in and I’m gonna create some more today. Also reading is a big love at the moment. Reading has been a consistent hobby since lockdown one but now being off work again I’m reading so quick compared to before. I read Blood Orange in 9 days! That’s wild to me. Usually takes me 1-2 months to read a book when I’m working. But now it’s taking much less due to being off which I’m loving as there’s so many books on my list. I’m currently reading His and Hers, I’ve got 3 days to finish it as I’ve challenged myself to read it in 10 days due to Heather, Chloe, and I starting our own book club together from February. Our first book is The Magpie Society: One for Sorrow by Amy McCulloch and Zoe Sugg. I’ve been wanting to read it since it came out and I’m so excited. It’s completely up my alley. So I’m excited for us to start that together. I’ve been ordering bits and bobs online as usual, mainly birthdays with the odd bits for me. I’ve also been doing a lot of singing in the kitchen and using that as my performance space. Finally watching all things on my list on Netflix – Bridgerton be my new favourite obsession. I cannot wait for season 2 and you best believe I’m already head over heals in love with Abigail Barlow and Emily Bear’s musical creation they’ve created from the show. It’s amazing to me how things can just become something. Anyone else feel that? At the start of January it was just a show on Netflix and now it has been watched by 82 million people and two incredibly talented women have written music for it to become a musical. Honestly I’m in awe of it all. I’m so excited to hear the full soundtrack after it’s all been made.

As you’re reading this it has just gone Valentine’s Day and I hope however you spent it and whoever you spent it with you’ve had a day full of love and happiness. Also a day of knowing you’re enough, whether you’re single or taken, never forget how much worth and value you have as an individual. Society has conditioned us to feel like if we’re not in a relationship then we’ve failed or we’re not doing as well as we should. Which is just so wrong but honestly I’ve felt this. I felt this all the way through school and a bit through uni and I felt it a lot when leaving uni because literally all of my friends bar 2 were in relationships at that point and it always felt like when will I be? When’s my time? Why have I got nobody? But I realise now as I look back, the reason I couldn’t have been with anyone at the time is because I didn’t love myself as I should’ve. I wasn’t accepting myself as I should’ve. 2019 was a great year for me, I let a lot of shit go that was constantly holding me back and I thoroughly enjoyed my life and lived every day. Something changed in me at 22, I had this new found confidence in my life and I felt like I was great as I am and I can concur anything. It was the first year where I wasn’t really bothered about dating or having a partner. I was still on dating apps and occasionally swiped along if I was bored or wanted to kill some time. I kind of got in my head, my future partner isn’t gonna be from Tinder or Bumble. Then at the end of April I matched with Jake, went on a date a week later, and the stars aligned and here we are. It really is mad how life gives you things when they are meant to happen. I still don’t know why Jake was the guy (the first and only guy) who I put my first foot forward for and went on a date straight away (within a week of speaking) and decided this was the one. 21 year old Katie would have never done that and that was just a week before. So my 22nd year was a great year for me. I had so many great moments and memories happen that year and I just wanna get back to that. Maybe because my 23rd year, i.e. Corona, has been so low I suppose you could say. Don’t get me wrong I made some great memories still when I could and I discovered a lot in lockdown. But I just feel as though this year of my life has gone so fast. I’m gonna be 24 in a matter of months and I just feel my twenties is flashing before my eyes. Did you know guys at 24 you’re already in your mid twenties, as I did not know that. Apologies if you didn’t realise that and I’ve ruined your day…

*sips coffee awkwardly*

I honestly don’t feel like I ever turned 23 as weird as that sounds. I keep referring to myself as being 24 already even though I’m not and I think it’s just hit me that I’m getting so old. Now I know there’ll be some of you here older than me replying to this saying I’m not old and I know I’m not. In the grand scheme of like 23-24 years is still pretty young of course. But I think it’s because when I was younger I always used to think people in their mid twenties had it all together. Let’s be honest we probably all did and now that we have reached this stage ourselves, it is evident that we really don’t. And I’m here to tell you that it’s okay. You’re okay, we’re okay hun! (Anyone else seen the RU Ruvision episode of Drag Race UK? – iconic) – I am here to tell you whatever you’ve got going on right now it’s okay. You’re where you’re meant to be and you’re gonna get through this. Even I have to keep reminding myself of this because I can get very caught up in where I should “be at.” Your twenties is a weird and wonderful time; people are getting married, having babies, travelling, moving house, doing uni, doing masters, getting into your career, working at home in your home town, or whatever it is. Where you should “be at” is where you are now. What you’re doing now and consuming your time with now. Don’t forget you’re wonderful and whether you’re doing a million things right now or nothing at all, that’s where the universe wants you to be. So just keep doing you.

I’m gonna wrap up here. This has been a lot wrapped into one big post. Hope you all enjoyed and let me know in the comments if you can relate, especially in this season of lockdown. Roll on spring! Honestly I’m so excited for all the spring outfits, the flowers, the pastels, Easter, all the Easter egg chocolate (already eaten 4, haha) and the sunshine with clouds in the sky! The rainy days that aren’t too cold. I can’t wait and I’m hoping were out of lockdown by April sometime so I can wear all my lovely spring outfits before it gets too hot. Have a wonderful day and keep safe my loves!